The “Essential Seven” Change Categories
Courtesy of Gretchen Rubin
Okay, full disclosure, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Gretchen Rubin.
I love a lot of her ideas. Her concept of The Four Tendencies (that people can be roughly categorized into four distinct patterns of how we respond to inner and outer expectations) was particularly eye-opening for me. A premise in a lot of her writing about intentional change is to deeply know yourself and then apply only the strategies that work best for your unique personality and circumstances.
Armed with the knowledge that I’m a textbook Obliger (the tendency that will “meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet the expectations they impose on themselves”), I now blissfully and shamelessly seek out ways to convert my inner expectations into outer expectations, thus increasing the odds that I’ll actually follow through on the things I know are important to me, yet struggle to actualize.
So that’s the love part, what about the hate?
Okay, I don’t actually hate Gretchen Rubin, but maybe I’m just super triggered by her and any “Upholder,” those freaks of nature who “respond readily to outer and inner expectations,” and whose mantra, according to Rubin, is “Discipline is my freedom.”
I want discipline to be my freedom, too, goddamnit!
Sigh…
Sometimes discipline is my freedom. And, sure, I often wish it were more the case. But lately I’m more interested in leveraging self-knowledge and reality-awareness in service of the outcomes I’m looking for, rather than torturing myself through attempts at complex internal sea changes that are most likely doomed to failure.
To that end, I have a therapist who I’ve tasked with representing the external expectation that I get my shit together, and a music production teacher who provides the external expectation that I actually finish music.
Hiring professionals as stand-ins for external expectations can get expensive pretty quickly, but it’s definitely been worth it for me. There are also a lot of free or inexpensive accountability groups all over the internet that I may dive into at some point, because the truth is that I am working towards intentional change in several areas.
In fact, if I’m dreaming big, I have goals that fall into each of the categories of transformation that Gretchen Rubin calls…
The Essential Seven
Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol)
Exercise regularly
Save, spend, and earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate to worthy causes, stick to a budget)
Rest, relax, and enjoy (stop watching TV in bed, turn off a cell phone, spend time in nature, cultivate silence, get enough sleep, spend less time in the car)
Accomplish more, stop procrastinating (practice an instrument, work without interruption, learn a language, maintain a blog)
Simplify, clear, clean, and organize (make the bed, file regularly, put keys away in the same place, recycle)
Engage more deeply in relationships—with other people, with God, with the world (call friends, volunteer, have more sex, spend time with family, attend religious services)
-Better Than Before
Below are some resources and activities I’ve explored in service of each category. Maybe they’ll help you, too!
How Not to Diet, by Michael Greger, M.D., FACLM
The Barbell Prescription, by Jonathon M. Sullivan & Andy Baker (perhaps minus the nutrition guidance)
The Simple Path to Wealth, by JL Collins
Ordinary Wonder, by Charlotte Joko Beck
How to Practice Music, by Andrew Eales
The Lost Art of House Cleaning, by Jan M. Dougherty
Volunteering with the Perinatal Support Washington Warm Line
Here’s hoping that on the road to positive change we can all learn to know ourselves, be ourselves, and love ourselves.